Success is a word that is hard to define especially because a lot of people have their own ideas and meanings for this word. To some, success is achieving great wealth, having a huge house, a nice sports car, private schools, the whole package sorta say. But to others, success is merely just surviving the day and having something to eat tomorrow. So where can we draw the line and say who is successful and who isn’t. This is exactly why, before we begin, I want to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with being ¨average¨. These are just the behaviours you need to acknowledge and take on as your own in order to become successful in your own way.
First thing you need to understand is:
Success Comes In Waves
This means that no reign of success can last and be as successful as if you were standing on top of Mount Everest. Some days you won’t be on a peek, some days you will fail, other days you will feel on top of the world. Take the example of any company and its success, their stocks and shares, there are moments where they fall and where they rise. It doesn’t make the company less successful it just means there is fluctuation in their success. It’s the same with homeostasis, or better said with balance. We are always on our ways of achieving balance, and when we do, there is something else that asks for our attention again.
So before you look at yourself and say mean things about yourself, how you aren’t successful, how you are stupid (and this has happened before and does happen on a daily basis), look deeper because successful people were not born successful. They had to work for it, spend long hours investing into their future without having much clarity to what will happen after.
So what did make them different from ¨average¨ people?
What is it they did that helped them reach their form of success?
For one they didn’t fear the change. As we are all creatures of habit, our daily life is filled with at least 50% activities that involve some sort of routine or act we do on auto pilot. This isn’t bad, it just gives us the opportunity to stay in our little cosy comfort zone without ever having to burst out and try new things that may open new pathways. So when you see it that way, it’s not so good to make your life a routine either.
As Jeffrey Hayzlett said:
¨ Pushing boundaries, embracing change and expanding our horizons is how we grow as professionals and individuals.¨
So if we agree on his statement, getting out of your comfort zone and that constant fear of ¨what if¨, will be the perfect first move you will need in order to make progress. It is a clean slate after all with the 2018. just starting. There is no better way than to make a decision to step a few inches outside of your comfort zone and be amazed by all the new possibilities.
So let’s start with the behaviors!
Stay In Your Lane
Now what do I mean by stay in your lane. This doesn’t mean don’t talk to other people or don’t copy them, but simply, don’t mind what others are saying and doing, you are running your own race. Now this becomes an issue often. I have had patients and clients who came to me and who constantly repeated what others were doing and how good they were dealing with business or personal stuff. And they were so focused on actually comparing themselves to others that it became a huge obstacle in their road to success. Now this sadly does happen often, so I will say this in a way in which you can memorize it:
NEVER COMAPRE YOURSELF TO OTHERS!
That is a battle you will always lose, always. Because bottom line is, there will always be someone better than you, and someone worse than you. So why do it? Stay in your own lane, look ahead and think about your success, not theirs. Now this brings me to #2…
Talk About Ideas Not Other People
Successful people, like we discussed before, don’t waste their time looking into someone else’s tea cup, they have their own. They invest their time into talking about ideas that inspire them, their new aspirations and what their goals are and how they will achieve it.
Talking about other people and gossiping about their life, just shows a streak of jealousy and envy because of what others have. Of course we have all felt envy that some people were born with all of the stuff we want to have, or because of other people’s cool jobs, amazing relationships that are simply goals, but at the end of the day, talking about them just doesn’t do anything for your road to success.
Invest your time and energy into surrounding yourself with amazing successful people who can share their stories with you and see what inspired them, what picked them up when they wanted to give up and topics that are focused on growth, rather than gossip.
Make a Plan of Action
I know we have talked about this a lot lately but how you make your goals and how you define them is even more important than the road on which you will thread to get to them. So give yourself a timeline but still take the time you need to define your goals as realistic and down to the measure as you can. This is like the base of your house, if it isn’t good your house will crumble.
Think carefully about what you want to achieve and see the realistic time frame in which you can actually achieve that goal. But be as specific as possible.
1a. I want to buy a car.
Think about what car you want to buy, what do you need to do to find that car, which stores are you going to go to, are you going to check just one store or more than one, how much money will you invest in the car, down to the last detail.
So now you goal will look like this:
1b. I will buy a Mercedes Benz G-Class SUV by the end of 2019.
I will do the research online and find out which stores I am going to go in and ask about the prices and a test drive. I am prepared to invest 124,000$ for this car. In order to save that amount of money I will take on some extra work and save more by not eating out so much, but rather preparing myself food at home.
And yes, it has to be that specific, because then you will know exactly how and when you will be able to achieve your goal.
Hit The Curveball Life Throws At You
I can safely say life will always throw a curveball at you. It isn’t the question if but when this will happen. And when it does, successful people are the ones who know how to adapt and move on to their next goal or wish. This isn’t something that makes them want to give up, or maybe it does, but they stick by to their own convictions and ideas and they believe that this is a momentary issue that can be passed.
So catch the curveball or a fastball, and make the best of it, it may not be a homerun, but it will surely help you cover some bases (since we entered baseball lingo…).
Let’s Talk More Action
So this is the primary difference between average and successful people. Everyday people just accept that their life is what it is and they just procrastinate in their own discomfort and unhappiness. They simply settle for the life they have, instead of getting up and doing something about that.
Successful people don’t talk about how bad their life is, they try and change it for the better. Now read carefully successful people don’t have amazing lives always, but they own that mentality of trying to get to a better state. So don’t only define successful people as Elon Musk, but also as an everyday Jane Doe, a single mom of three, trying to work 2 jobs so her kids can have more than she did. Success is subjective to everyone but one thing is for sure, less talk, more action my friends and you will begin your road to success.
A Dream Is A Goal With A Deadline
Another good mindset to have is to stop dreaming and put a deadline on that dream. This is connecting to our #5. Successful people turn their dreams into goals they can achieve whereas average people love to daydream about what they want to achieve but never really get around to doing it. Because after all what if it fails?
Successful people have the mentality of What is next? and What will I do when I get there? They don’t actually spend time thinking about failure as we discussed it before, it will happen. But the difference is they will know how to deal with it and it will not stop them from turning their dream into a reality by action and the law of trial and error.
Negative Thoughts VS Positive
Now I am not going to lie to you and tell you that this is an easy thing to accomplish, turning the negative thoughts into positive. In fact, it will be the hardest one of all. Especially for all the people who are more insecure in themselves vs the ones who are more outgoing and outspoken. For the first type of people, this is an issue that haunts them every day. And why do I say haunt as if it were a ghost? Well because simply put it is.
It is a ghost hovering over their head just waiting for his opportunity to put that person down. And that is simply not a nice feeling. I should know. My ghost’s name is Joey. I actually gave him that name because of Joey from Friends, because he is goofy and funny, and that simply takes a lot of power away from Joey to scare me into quitting.
I’m truly not ashamed to admit I do have that ghost and that he does appear from time to time, but when you accept him as a part of yourself you automatically stop fighting him and you can decide to live together. That will give you the opportunity to focus on the good and positive rather than just the bad and ugly.
The Long Run
I know I know, we all love to have instant gratification, but what separates the successful people of the average is that they can see the bigger picture and they run a marathon vs a 100m sprint. Meaning, while some people can even indulge themselves into the short-term reward (procrastination as #1), the successful individual will use the long-term reward as a driving force to achieve any goal.
The point of it all is simple: Oftentimes, people will get lost in comparing themselves to others but as a result their confidence will suffer, since their wishes are based on other people’s success they will give up for not having motivation enough to succeed. But by wishing others what you wish for yourself and by basing your confidence into the goals and time you are investing, this will bring you closer to being a successful person. And nobody will be able to take all of that away from you.